GothkittyCD's Rant Space

What I am

2008-09-22T02:31:05Z

One thing I have been ...late?.. in saying. I am a Therian, a Were. I am one whose soul is linked with a type of animal, in my case felines.
I ...feel? Something in the back of my mind, a... Something in my head that tells me what I am, or rather what I was.
I have lost my sense self, my path in life. once it wa so clear, but now I am wondering through the dark.

I will find who I am, it I will die trying!

just no time

2008-09-21T10:51:54Z

sorry I haven't posted, I just haven't had the time to my self to be able to. I hope this gets better soon.

Cathel and Scarlet

2008-08-27T17:39:07Z

Cathel and Scarlet came to me as I was trying to write a furry version of my life. There was a time when I went to a medieval event (my first). The real story is that I didn't have money to go and a friend offered to take me, but I had to work for her the weekend, no biggy
the problem came when she wanted me to wear a dress. I don't know how she found out that I played around with my sisters clothing( I was 16 at the time) but she did, and said it would be ok. In real life I couldn't, I nearly passed out at the thought, but in the story, not only did I, but I became someone else, I became Scarlet

I don't know about other writers, but my stories can take on a life of there own, leading me in directions I never even thought of.

Thinking about it.
Cathel is who I think of my self as, shy, quiet, submissive. he's the guy that makes sure things get done

Scarlet is what I wish I could be, wild, loud, free to be who ever she wants to be. She doesn't lead, but people follow any

But who am I?

a little about the drama

2008-08-26T20:05:13Z

The truth is, I am in the closet about most of the things in my life. I am married and my wife knows only about a few of the things going ion in my head. And I can't tell her. She made it clear that she thought some of the things I "used to" believe in were silly and stupid, if not in so many words. So I keep most of my activities online and out of sight.

I tried to share some of this with her, but she just laughed it off.

And both of us are miserable, me for having to hide stuff from her, and her for not being able to trust me.
I have been thinking about leaving. just going to live with my family. They would let me, my siblings already don't like my wife, something she did all on her own.

But I can't make my self leave her.

and I think I have finally figured out why.

The last time I saw my sister she was about to divorce her husband. He had cheated on her, and she wasn't really mad, she had expected it.
"It daddy", she said " I think it's something I got from our father, that eventually all men cheat, and all men leave"

I thought about it for a long time. all my life, I have made it a point not to be like my father, and that's why I am having a hard time leaving, he left us before I was born, I was the youngest of 4, and I can't do that to my wife and daughter, no matter how hard things get.
But I can't live like this, it's not fair to either of us.

What to do?

Writer's Block: Music and Moods

2008-08-24T19:27:00Z

How do different types of music relate to your moods?

View 500 Answers

I find that I crave different music depending not on how I feel, but how I need/want to. I guess I use music to motivate/inspire me

a little about the crossdressing

2008-08-24T19:05:49Z

I list my self as a crossdresser because I don't think of my self as transgendered. 'trans' brings to mind the thought of moving or changing, transport, transform. I am not changing, this is who I am. I used to think I wanted to be a girl, but I figured out I just want to be me, whoever that is. I think a better term for me is dual gendered, at least mentally. I have thoughts and feelings that I identify as both male and female.

Maybe I am just trying to be someone else, but I feel like that is what I am doing right now, acting.
More about when I get to "about the drama"

The Pagan Thing

2008-08-24T15:33:33Z

I am a Pagan and a Warrior.

This is what this statement means to me.

I believe that there is a great force out there, and that we are all part of it.

I believe that the Gods and Goddesses are aspects of this force, faces for us to look at so that we may know that we are not alone.

I believe that there are things out beyond the understanding of this mortal form

I believe that there were and maybe are fantasy/mythical/spirit creatures in this realm.

I believe that there are other realm/planes/realities/whatever, and that we can touch them.

I believe that this is not my first time around, and that I can feel the lessons from other times.

I believe that I am more than I appear that if I can find my path, I can become what I am meant to be.

I believe that there are some of us put here to guard/protect others, that we are the hunters and warriors of the tribe, we are no better than the farmers, or the merchants, we just play a different role.

I believe that there is inherent good and evil in the world, and in our selves, and that it is up to us to figure out what is right and wrong, not just for ourselves, but for community.

AND!

I believe in respecting every person’s journey through this live. I may not see it your way, but, I will always listen, and if asked I will teach, but you must make your own way.

This is what it means to me to be a Pagan and a Warrior.

A little about the furry thing

2008-08-24T15:11:05Z

My current fursona, and fodder for my stories, is a male(Cathel) who enjoy being female(Scarlet) at times. He never hides who or what he is, and enjoys the 'company' of both males and females. He tends to be fairly quiet and submissive, while she can be rather wild at times.

Cathel is a housecat, black with red ears, hands, feet, and tail tip, he keeps his head fur short. Scarlet (sometimes Harley Scarlet) Is black with purple ears, hands, feet, purple rings down her tail, a purple mask, and dark red hair, this is accomplished with fur dye and a wig.

Cathel tends to try to keep out of the limelight; he would rather make it possible for others to be able to lead than to lead himself. Scarlet would prefer it if people would just get out of her way and let her get it done.

These traits are different aspects of my own insanity, the characters having sprung, unaided, from my mind and evolved on there own.

In a new development, Scarlet seems to have the ability to ‘nudge’ peoples thoughts. Not really mind control, just strong persuasion, a lowering of their inhibitions, pushing people towards what they wanted to do anyway. Mostly it’s unconscious, but when she is trying, she gets a black aura behind her, almost like wings of darkness. She tries not to use it, but it just makes things so muck easier.

Cathel and Scarlet aren't really two different people, Scarlet is just who Cathel wishes he could be.
Cathel describes it as this force in the back of his mind, “the demon riding on my shoulder, pushing me to where I wanted to go anyway.”

Writer's Block: Your Online Hot Spots

2008-08-23T23:39:35Z

Where do you spend most of your time on the web?

View 500 Answers

Furry2Furry.com
Yiffstar.com
Furaffinity.com
WitchVox.com
Yahoo.com
Gmail.com

Hello

2008-08-23T20:14:47Z

If you are reading this, you have way to much time on your hands.
This is one of my rant spaces, and if you like poorly typed drama, bad stories and electronic tears, then by all means stay.

Really I am just looking for friends.